My Wedding

Monday, January 18, 2010

its ok....

Its ok, that I'm not having bunga pahar, because i'm not going to do tepung tawar...

its ok that I'm not going to have a second persalinan during my wedding, because i''m not going to have upacara potong cake...

It's ok that I'm not going to have live performance.

Its ok that I'm not going to have malam berinai, or majlis khatam Quran.

Its ok, that I want to invite so many people to my akad.

Its ok that I'm not doing my function in a house or a mosque,my house is too small, and and if the bride is menstruating masa time nak nikah, then how is she suppose to enter the mosque???? so the next option is to find a comfortable place for everyone...

It's ok that i'm not doing meja beradap, because I want to spend time with my guests as much as i can

Its ok that we berbalas-balas hantaran 5 to 5 and me not giving extra 2, guess what, its actually sunnah to berbalas-balas gifts among familes...as long as its serdehana and tidak membebankan anybody..... and tak salahkan nak bagi equal??

its ok that we don't have wang hantaran on the hantaran...

many readers have expressed opinions about my previous post, I know it has created some commotion..what I expressed can be misinterpreted..

I'm not trying to say that doing anything above is wrong...tak..I'm trying to explain that me not doing anything above, even though its against our tradition, but it's not against Islam.
I'm sorry if it hurts...I"m just so hurt, by people who are close to me who's been saying "sab, u buat wedding macam ni, memang tak tahanlah your marriage"...

Nauzubillah...

I have nothing against anything, I have nothing against anything yg tak against agama..I'm not saying giving 20 hantaran is wrong, nor am I saying spending a lot of money for a wedding is wrong..or having bunga pahar is wrong..or having a wedding cake is wrong..tak salah......

its just a matter of preference...many disagree with my wedding concept..But i don't mind..i have specific things that i want..that i have dreamt of having for my wedding itu sahaja........

and why i mentioned about religion, is because many have implied to me, that my wedding concept, is against the concept of /wedding/marriage, whereas, our prophet SAW, has made weddings very simple for Muslims...I'm a person who is very passionate towards knowing more about the concept of Quran and Sunnah after learning about it a few years ago..I'm just trying to explain, our Rasulullah SAW, didn't have a majlis tepung tawar( to bless the pengantin) and yet he had a blessed marriage from Allah SWT .That is what i meant as a Quran & Sunnah compliace wedding...That we do the bare minimum, similar to how our Prophet SAW has done and still get Baraqah for the marriage, and please everyone that attends the majlis (and people at the majlis to not create any fitnah and understand that the pengantin choose to do a plain wedding and not follow our culture.....

I just want a plain but memorable and sweet wedding for myself...and to all out there, if whatever you want does not collide with our Religion, and the teachings of our Prophet SAW, than inshaAllah you will have a great wedding.....

Again, I apologise if i Hurt anybody, I'm just a hurt b2b expressing how I feel after having tons and tons of so many bad comments to about my akad concept...

I sincerely apologise if I sound a bit harsh, its not my intention..I didn't realise the previous post was soo aggressive..
p/s: It's my first time getting hate e-mails..I'm so scared... i decided to keep my blog anonymous...

33 comments:

YOU CAN CALL ME : Miss X said...

sayang,
it's ur choice. it's not easy to please everybody. i tell u, when i decided to have 5-7 dulang... ada mulut (one of my best girlfriends ok?) ckp "sikitnyeeeeeee..." it hurts so bad...

being close friends, some friends want us to share our plans. in my case, one of my close friends she wants me to cerita but when i cerita, she poke here and there... semua benda about my planning salah. dulang i 5-7 dia kate sikit. my baju i tempah kat designer dia kate "kenapa membazir? tempah je la kat tailor. tunang je kot!" and etc.. byk lagi... ;(

few dulangS she said dulang sikit, tempah designer she said bazir. then how?! sampai i rasa "why can't she juz be happy for me like everyone else?"

I didn't call her for 2months dah... sbb i kecik hati and sedih dengan cara dia... i don't want to get myself hurt anymore. but seriously, be it family members or friends.. it's not easy to please everybody. do whatever we want. u go sab! yg penting nawaitu kita ikhlas and kita sendiri puas hati... *hugs*

Sabby said...

oh i know how you feel..everytime i try to explain, someone about it, ada je comment dia..sedih kan...tapi its ok, as long as we get family support and from people we love most, then inshaAllah its going to be fine..

Rubina Yunal said...

Salam sis,

It's funny sometimes that the elders (and the younger ones too) cant seem to notice that we're taking a brave step to break the tradition, honour the sunnah and trying our best to keep it syariah compliant instead. Padahal they should know this better and encourage it since we are the younger generations.

But people's perspective is what we have no control of. I so respect you for the choices you make. More muslim brides should be like you :)

Let's make this a trend then (since org kita kan suka ikut trend). InsyaAllah, lepas ni ramai yg akan ikut jejak yg baik ni, then only they'll realize its advantages.

May Allah bless you always :)

zLa said...

wtf??? pardon my language tapi memang tahap kurang ajar la sape cakap camtu! dosa siot..kan wajib doakan barokah ke atas mempelai..ishk3...

well, like mine ada juga anasir luar yang brdesas desus bukan2. i just replied "stakat tu je yang saya mampu makcik..selebihnya tunggu ihsan wali2 je.."

YOU CAN CALL ME : Miss X said...

sabby,
i feel u...
u tenangkan fikiran, relax, insyaAllah tuhan bagi u ketenangan... whoever 'kacau' u in wuteva way, tell them nicely to quit it... if they just don't get it, avoid 'em; menjauhkan diri itu lebih baik daripada bertelingkah bcoz in our culture, confrontation selalunya tak berhasil. u know...
apapun, be strong my dear. insyaAllah semua akan berjalan seperti yang dirancang. insyaAllah...

~Legal me Yours~ said...

sweetie,

no one has the right to make you feel inferior but your own self.


Therefore, dont cry nor take to heart of anything they say, as Allah is with you and you know yourself and Habibs decision together is what you find best for the both of you. In any case, you always have me to shower your marriage with good prayers of happiness. Allah is always the bigger reason in any case. Dont worry.

Ms Abby said...

yes sabby, it's hard to please everyone,it's your wedding and it's your own way....penting kan yg wajib and lain itu kemudian. i dun understand this people yang ckp, if you tak ikut adat then ur marriage won't last, funny....what ever it is nikah yang penting rite, bukan adat yang tentukan lama atau tidak satu perkahwinan itu. As ppl yg close to you, they should doa kan yang baik2 utk you, not saying this thing to you.

Dun be sad sab, just proceed with your own plan...insyaallah, everythings gonna be just fine.....

hugs

Lydia said...

Hey there!

I feel you..
I'm going through the same at this very moment...
BUT I must 1st congratulate you for standing up to what you believe in.
It's YOUR Wedding..
YOUR Money..
YOUR Business..
5 or 20, people will still talk. That's just the way with our community. It's somewhat like a curse to us. How on earth are dulangs, locations bla bla bla to be the measures of your happiness? Dumb.
Why go with the crowd when you are your own person..
Go ahead girl! Do your thing!
You have my support even if I'm many miles away...
All The Best!

Sabby said...

Girls, thank you so much for the support...its been a very taugh journey...the less it is, the more bad comments i got..trust me vendors pun byk yg comment..tapi i wont go there..like i mention, its not part of our norm..so semua pun tak faham...

InshaAllah, May Allah SWT gives all of us strength to fight for something good...

Sha Pattinson said...

Dear,what happen?its okay that time kita pk akad jer ..I know how u feel I pun pk cam u tak payah nak bunga pahar aper segala xda 2 persalinan but dear on ur wed tiba2 rezeki org kawin tu sentiasa ada ada je org akan sponsor u.don,t worry u jz doakan nikah u berjalan dengan lancar.insyaAllah xkan ada apa2.kuatkan semangat yiah we as ur fren always support you.dun worry ok.sorry may b I comment byk sgt maklumla dlm kereta ni takut ada yg type error ke sory ok ..k sabby dear u take care salam

Sha Pattinson said...

Apa2 u nak plan u buat jer its ur big day lantaklah ok janji u puas hehehe cheer up ok

aurinh said...

hi dear -- be patient and tough... The most important thing about a wedding is the akad. Not the extras. Just explain back to people who matters to you - your future hubby, parents, and parents in law. This is the people who loved you and wanted the best for you surely they understand. Other ppl's opinion don't matter.

and I really don't understand that person comment -- how long ur marriage will be do not correspond to how extravagant the wedding is. Heck -- sum ppl had the most extravagant wedding with expensive decor and hantaran but still end up divorced at the end...

keep smiling - just remember time2 stress tu -- all this would be worth it cos you are going to marry the love of your life at the end.

AmyMizzunderstood said...

sabby...mulut sapa yg tak de insurans tu..meh i bagi dia insurans free!forget bout them..yg nk ckp mcm2 tak tentu hala...wahh marah i nihhh!tak bagus actually!!

everything yang u nak buat..up to u..selagi tak langgar hukum hakam agama..i rasa tak salah..so jgn pedulikan mereka..buat apa u rasa nk buat..jodoh bukan kat tgn orang yg mengata tuu..tapi kat tangan Allah..i support u babe!no worries!

MyRule said...

It's ok Sab.. i suka sgt ngan cara you. You buat your wedding sgt personal and ader class ngan cara you sendiri. X semua org berani macam you.

I rasa sepatutnyer...memang sepatutnyer perkawinan dipermudahkan..perkara2 yang patut didahulukan. Yang lain2 tu (adat) kalau nak buat pun ok..tak buat pun x per. Org2 kita ni dah terbiasa ngan adat..x buat x boleh. Padahal kita ader cara yang lebih senang and lebih diberkati. I pun support u...jgn kisah sgt ngan aper org kata as long as you di tempat yang betul..:P

cicayanki said...

sabby, the wedding is yours and habib's. the both of you know whats best and my dear,the decision is yours to make.

dont be sad sabby. smile. life sometimes give you lemons, and you got two choices.you can wear a sour face or make lemonade! make lemonade sab!!

hugs, dena

huhu said...

hi there.. i'm a silent reader, have been adding ur blog to my google reader in a while now. I never felt the urge to comment, but this time i make it an exception.

i ni sensitive org nye.. bile baca ur post, this post, meleleh air mata i...

for me, dugaan relationship nak kahwin ni pun kekadang mencabar, nak planning lagi sure tertekan.. bila kata2 yang meruntun jiwa ni lagilah menambah beban di fikiran..

sebelum ni i read about ur plans, there was nothing short or wrong i find about it, other than how i can imagine it would be simple, sweet and beautiful.. and complete..

and tergerak hati, setiap kali i read other b2bs' blog, i surely akan doa dalam hati semoga whatever plans or things i read about it will come true for the b2bs.. ( then i secretly hoping the same, surely there are some who will wish for me)

and same goes when i read yours too.. i'm sure i'm not the only one on this.. do what you feel happy doing, most importantly, what you feel right.. there may be others who might not agree and blablabla, but trust me, there are more of us who wishes for all your hopes and plans come true..

it will be okay, awak..
insyallah, everything will be okay.. saya doakan.. amin

naddynad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
naddynad said...

pity u dear...
i sayang u Sab..
u byk bersabar ok...

susah kan?? nak puaskan hati semua org??...
tabahkan diri u Sab utk memempuhi semua cabaran ini...

:)
i doakan yg terbaik utk u my friend..

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

Dont worry. I truly understand and feel you. I dont want any of those that you mentioned either. I've told mom no hantaran and she was ok. I told mom no renjis-renjis,bunga pahar etc and alhamdulillah she was ok. No grand wedding, just a simple event at home and she was ok. Guess who was not ok with it? My relatives. So Sab, dont worry. At the end of the day you want to please only Allah and the people close to you. The rest, well just smile and say thank you for the thoughts :-)

Wawa Vtec said...

sab, inilah dugaannya bila dekat nak majlis.i was stressed to the max too. find comfort in doa & prayers. owh also your bestie. she will definitely ease your burden by standing by ur opinion.

can't to be part of your soon t-be beautiful event.have faith dearie.

Nadya said...

hey dear..i dlu pun takde tepung tawar renjis2 sumer tu..xde mlm berinai/khatam Quran..and xnk letak duit hantaran on the dulang..in the end its ur majlis, n u have the choice to choose wutever suits u the best..stand by it.pedulik la org nk ckp2 ape pun..just buat dono je dont think too much..otherwise it will only ruin the mood and tambah tension je..not good for the bride to be..the prep supposed to be fun and enjoyable and exciting..k dear?

Nadya said...

and oh to sape2 yg ckp buat mcm ni tak tahan wedding u tu mmg singkat akal..adat tidak menentukan jodoh seseorang kekal atau tak. Tuhan yg tentukan. and ade yg wat majlis bagai nak rak pun cerai berai jugak.
instead of bg komen mcm tu, doakanlah kesejahteraan masjid yg akan dibina kekal selamanya..

i doakan u selamat semuanya eh..all the best!=)

Moose said...

oh dear, dont worry too much sab. i like the way you want your wedding to be. very simple and follow the sunnah. i think these are some of the problems that most of b2b will face. as long as your family and you are happy with it then it's fine.

Xora said...

sangat tersusun ayat kamu :D saya suka.. teruskan menulis ya :)

BuTtErFlyInFraMe said...

gulp!! sapekah yg sgt lancang mulutnya itu??

hmm, we, as b2b will facing mcm2 halangan dan dugaan. as u said, smakin dkt ia dtg, smakin bnyk dugaanya...apapun, jodoh adalah ditangan tuhan..bukan di tangan org..kalau dia mendoakan kehancuran utk awk, percayalah, ramai lagi yg akan mendoakan kebahagiaan yang tak terhingga untuk awak dan habib.. :)

mcm sy sekarang ni pulak, saya anggap mereka yg bagi kata2 sinis, mengata itu ini, sbb dorang dengki dgn apa yg kita ada... be strong babe! go girl! :P

nad nazira said...

sab..sedih pulak i bace ur heart throw feelings. tak pelah..kalau org lain tak paham..yang penting kite sendiri tau ape yang kite nak..nanti after the majlis, rase mcm nuthing happens je before..sebab whatever it is, it will be just YOU and ur HABIB at the end of the day..yang penting dapat hidup brsama, kan..so be happy and confident ngan ape yang you buat, k dear. gud luck! :P

anil lutaze said...

sab..be strong k.. dlm hidup ni terlalu byk cabaran yg mendatang..allah swt menguji insan2 yayg terpilih sahaja...bertuah insan2 itu..

dlm perkahwinan melibatkan terlalu ramai pihak...maka.. perkara2 ini memang akan terjadi.. tak kiralah segrand mana perkahwinan anda...sesimple mana perkahwinan anda..

yg penting akhirnya...sabby akan bersama dengan insan yg tersayang... itulah pengakhiran yg terpenting...

semoga tabah...jgn fikir banyak dah k... teruskan apa yg anda hajati..insyallah ia diberkati..amin

papaYA said...

Let them eat cake Sab..

Plus, u can write whatever you want, it's your blog. If they think it's nonsense, they can stop reading. Nobody's forcing them to read anyway..

wardah said...

hi sab,

kena banyak sgt sabar. tawakal dgn apa yg sab pilih. mmg sgt susah tapi saya percaya kalau Allah diletakkan dahulu dari yang lain insyaAllah baik2 saja.

cuma susah utk explain to others yang tak faham kn. apa2 pun, be strong ok. and all the best.

hanisah said...

Hi Sab,

Hati sangat tertarik dengan blog u. Sab, my parents kawin dulu pun tak sanding. Cume nikah dan kenduri je. Kawan2 my parents yang seangkatan pun kawin tak sanding n renjis. Anak2 diorang pun kawin tak sanding. My wedding nanti pun takkan sanding, renjis, berinai n khatam Quran. Buat yang wajib je. asalkan tak bertentangan dengan aqidah... i support u 100% sab!

Anonymous said...

hi..
br first time read ur blog... n d wedding concept sgt best... tk sbr nk tgk gamba kawin nnt.. all d best k... =)

lola said...

it's your blog. s***w everyone else. i salute you for having the guts to do it your own way. it's a good decision you've made. i've planned my wedding to something similar like yours within my budget. and in the end gave in to my mum and now i totally regret it. such a waste of money. hate the shallow mentality of ppl who goes 'sikitnya hantaran. kenapa kecik sangat majlis'. it's hard to please all. just do what you feel is right. chin up

Anonymous said...

salam..
i juz go thru ur blog..
same goes to me..my wed day-sgt terabur-hahaha...sgt simple,nikah n kawen on d sme day, xde pelamin,xde kugiran mak nenek, mlm berinai pun xde-in fact-mlm b4 nikah, my fren tlg pakaikan-tu pun xde ukiran bagai-hahaha-

b4 wed, i told my relatives-always b my dream-my big day will b juz sooo simple n sooo jimat--

my parent juz sooo ok with dat, but not my relatives..

but x kisah la, yg penting akad, yg penting kita hepi...

selamat hidup bahagia:)