My Wedding

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How I found my life.....

This is going to be a longgggg story... When i started my blog i promised to share how i changed my life. N finally after almost 3 years, only now im blogging about it...

It's a long story....terpaksa Bahagi to a few parts....


It was early feb... Within 1 week I heard that 2 people I knew had passed away..in my heart, suddenly I was thinking about my own death...

A few days passed, I was just preparing to sleep after a long day ... Suddenly I heard my sister knocking on my door.. I opened she asked "did u get the sms??" I told her not yet, my phone is on silent... She said we hv to go hospital now, our close friend is in critical condition...

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He passed away....it's heartbreaking because it was just 4 months ago he had lost his dear father... N now it's him.... May Allah SWT grant him, his father n all of us Muslims Jannah...

Another death?? I asked my self, n this was someone that had filled my memories of growing up....this time it really it hit me, what would happen if I died today?? Will Allah place me in jannah?? For days I had many sleepless night thinking about death....

I was having a life crisis... I was confused with what I wanted in life...I didn't understand what my purpose of life was...I wasn't the best of Muslims... I wasn't a pleasant person with my family.. I only wanted to do what made me happy n I did not care even if it was hurting the people around me and the people that loved me...I was selfish!

But days went by n I kept asking myself what am I doing with my life?? If i died today, would anybody make doa for Allah swt to forgive me?? N I realised, yes my parents n family members would n my righteous friends would...but aren't this the people that I am hurting??

N the "so called" friends that I'm spending most of my time with, I doubt they would make any dua for me, they don't even make dua themselves...

And then I met up with one of my closest friend, i was so nervous, I didn't know what to say to her, coz she had just lost her brother n her father...but when we met, mashaAllah she just had this beautiful smile... We were talking n talking... She was just telling me how Islam has made her strong to face the lost of her brother n father...and I asked " don't u miss our past n all the fun we had??" n she explained that Islam has given her an inner peace that sense of calmness...n I could tell it was sincere because I saw that in her...

A few days went by.. N I bumped into another friend, she too had just found her inner peace from Islam...wow I told myself, I never thought I would see her in tudung....

But I'm a Muslim, then why am I feeling sooooo lost??? I wanted the calmness they had, but i was to scared to loose my life... I was not willing to loose my friends, my job, my what I thought was amazing life....

I wanted to change, but I just couldn't not start.... Something was stoping me... Till 1 night....

I had the scariest dream..... I dream that I had died, I was burried, n my grave was soooooooooo small filled with really scary creatures..... All this creatures were eating me...I was crying for help, but I was ALONE...n finally after what I felt like a long period of time I heard a voice telling me, if u don't change now, this is ur barzakh....

N suddenly I woke up... I was reallly scared, I was shivering n I was crying non stop... I was soo scared I didn't know what to do... I ran to my parents room... I cried n told my mum I had a bad dream... My mom hugged me n baca dua for me. She said see if u don't baca doa before u sleep the syaitan will Kacau u...

But deep inside I knew...that was not syaitan disturbing me, that was a HARD reminder for me that if I keep living my life that way, I would end up like that.......

To be continued


8 comments:

Shaza said...

Masya-Allah...
Thank you sis for sharing this story. Have been long wait for this entry.
May Allah grand you and me and all the other muslim a deep understanding in Islam and forgive our past sin. Insya-Allah.
Will wait for your next entry..

sha said...

ok ok cepat sambung story sab. i cant wait to read the whole thing... hum sometimes, hidayah tu dtg dgn tak disangka2 kan

Eida said...

Sab

You are brave to share ur story. That's what i admire about you. May Allah bless you with happiness and keredhaannya. :)

Reen Tart Nenas said...

thanks for sharing. waiting for part 2.

fuzi said...

Hi Sab,

Yay, finally im no more ur silent reader once i drop my comment here :) and it gonna be a long one.

let me share my story. After a long classic battle for hijab, finally i put an end to it last 'Maal Hijrah'. d date that i want to remember most!!!

As far back as I can remember, I always knew I had to wear the hijab and that one day, I eventually would.but i always think i would start when i got married OR have my first baby OR has my second baby and the list go on and on. but i've gone thru all that stages of that life and I never make that good intention to reality.

After some reality check, i begin to ask myself, Allah is very generous to me to let me tasted the happiness of marriage and having my own babies, and here i am not even keeping my promise to HIM of wanting to cover my aurah that I should have done long time ago.

with nobody forcing me, that 'seru' im longing for finally strike my heart and i never felt so calm before with my hijab on.and i felt beautiful too! hehe...

and that is my story :)

Cant wait for Part 2!

farhana shamsuddin said...

bc cerita u sgt mnakut kan mimpi tu.. kite sering kali nk berubah.. tp hangat2 tahi ayam je.. harap sama2 dpt berubah..i pray 4 u..

si bulat cantik said...

salam..
a very moving post...thank u for it.. made me think..as i myself is in the same crisis u were in..

Trica Jus said...

Nice....!