How I found my life.....

This is going to be a longgggg story... When i started my blog i promised to share how i changed my life. N finally after almost 3 years, only now im blogging about it...

It's a long story....terpaksa Bahagi to a few parts....


It was early feb... Within 1 week I heard that 2 people I knew had passed away..in my heart, suddenly I was thinking about my own death...

A few days passed, I was just preparing to sleep after a long day ... Suddenly I heard my sister knocking on my door.. I opened she asked "did u get the sms??" I told her not yet, my phone is on silent... She said we hv to go hospital now, our close friend is in critical condition...

innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun


He passed away....it's heartbreaking because it was just 4 months ago he had lost his dear father... N now it's him.... May Allah SWT grant him, his father n all of us Muslims Jannah...

Another death?? I asked my self, n this was someone that had filled my memories of growing up....this time it really it hit me, what would happen if I died today?? Will Allah place me in jannah?? For days I had many sleepless night thinking about death....

I was having a life crisis... I was confused with what I wanted in life...I didn't understand what my purpose of life was...I wasn't the best of Muslims... I wasn't a pleasant person with my family.. I only wanted to do what made me happy n I did not care even if it was hurting the people around me and the people that loved me...I was selfish!

But days went by n I kept asking myself what am I doing with my life?? If i died today, would anybody make doa for Allah swt to forgive me?? N I realised, yes my parents n family members would n my righteous friends would...but aren't this the people that I am hurting??

N the "so called" friends that I'm spending most of my time with, I doubt they would make any dua for me, they don't even make dua themselves...

And then I met up with one of my closest friend, i was so nervous, I didn't know what to say to her, coz she had just lost her brother n her father...but when we met, mashaAllah she just had this beautiful smile... We were talking n talking... She was just telling me how Islam has made her strong to face the lost of her brother n father...and I asked " don't u miss our past n all the fun we had??" n she explained that Islam has given her an inner peace that sense of calmness...n I could tell it was sincere because I saw that in her...

A few days went by.. N I bumped into another friend, she too had just found her inner peace from Islam...wow I told myself, I never thought I would see her in tudung....

But I'm a Muslim, then why am I feeling sooooo lost??? I wanted the calmness they had, but i was to scared to loose my life... I was not willing to loose my friends, my job, my what I thought was amazing life....

I wanted to change, but I just couldn't not start.... Something was stoping me... Till 1 night....

I had the scariest dream..... I dream that I had died, I was burried, n my grave was soooooooooo small filled with really scary creatures..... All this creatures were eating me...I was crying for help, but I was ALONE...n finally after what I felt like a long period of time I heard a voice telling me, if u don't change now, this is ur barzakh....

N suddenly I woke up... I was reallly scared, I was shivering n I was crying non stop... I was soo scared I didn't know what to do... I ran to my parents room... I cried n told my mum I had a bad dream... My mom hugged me n baca dua for me. She said see if u don't baca doa before u sleep the syaitan will Kacau u...

But deep inside I knew...that was not syaitan disturbing me, that was a HARD reminder for me that if I keep living my life that way, I would end up like that.......

To be continued

Responsibility as a parent

Someone once told me, don't expect ur children to be a beriman if u yourself are not beriman...

Since I became a mother I feel so scared if my upbringing fails, n my child ends up being a non practicing Muslim. Another person has mentioned " if my child fails, it means I have failed as a mother....so deep kan that statement. But I realise it's true.

When I was growing up, among us siblings Ada yg always get A for exams. I was not a 4flat student like my Sis, but my parents never force me to dpt 4flat,n I asked my parents why they tak marah me?

N my mom explained,that success for her is when her anak is soleh n when we die,we pass the biggest test, which is when the malaikat asks " who is ur god? n we can answer Allah SWT. N that the only way for our body to answer that is if u are a good practicing Muslim during our life in the world.

I love that about my parents, alhamdulillah...they always prioratise on what's more important, like they didnt force me to get straight A's because they knew it was harder for me but easier for my sister... But they are very strict on solat. Everyday without fail my parents will force us to bangun for subuh n also remind us to solat every single waktu, everyday.... N I can tell u is not easy coz we all selalu tido balik, jawab balik and etc... But all that effort that my parents made while growing up,was mashaallah worth it...

Alhamdulillah now we can do that for our kids. N now I realise why my parents did not give up even though it was not an easy thing to do everyday...

But sadly nowdays i see not many parents do that to their kids. Some parents don't wake them up for subuh because kesian the anak wants to sleep....How is that good for the anak? Isn't that leading ur child to the WRONG path?
May Allah SwT guide us all parents to lead their children n future generations to jannah....


So let's start reminding everybody to practice our 5 solat everyday... Let's remind our family, our spouse, our kids, our friends, everyone.... Ameen....

May Allah SWT grant us jannah...
Ameen

P/s:baby boy now can sing,if I sing abcdefg, he will sing abbbbbb...subhanallah...cuteness

11months...

Firstly I would like to apologize the long silence..

For the record, when I buat reviews, it is NOT to show anything but it's purely to share, n the only reason I can try many things is because I have very kind sisters n sisters in law that are willing to share..May Allah SWT bless them n everyone for their kindness...

Alhamdulillah baby boy is 11 months now...he has progressed so much..now he can bye to us, calls me mama or Mimi...calls his father Ada or dada...he looooveess animals like birds n cats...n the most important of all alhamdulillah he started walking..in the room now he will just jalan from one end to another end...first it started with 1 step..now it's more than 15 steps...but I notice, he is more berani in our room than anywhere else...comfort zone I guess...


As for me, I've learnt to cook..to be honest I just started cooking 2 years ago..so kiranya before wedding, I had no idea how to cook..but my kind mother n sisters alhamdulillah they have been helping me...now I can officially say, saya boleh masak alhamdulillah.To those that can't cook, don't worry..a lot of people use to kutuk me, but I knew deep inside when the right time came, I would eventually learn...for some, cooking doesn't come naturally, so people don't judge them..give the time n support. When I was sad, my mom use to comfort me n say she too learnt how to cook after she got married, n now almost 35 years later she is still cooking delicious food for us...May Allah SWT bless her, and all the mums and ladies out there for preparing food day by day in sickness n good health, for their family...amen..

n I also want to share some very simple recepi that I found..soon soon inshaAllah..